10 Days To San Francisco
by Ash-ash-ash
Summary: AU Western. Castiel is a rider for the Pony Express and Dean works at one of the stations. A snippet of American history. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**This is probably the most ambitious fic I've written so far. There's quite a bit of history in it and I've had to do some research in things like geography and climate.**

**Since I can't put links in here, I've put them on my profile page. There's a rather nice map of the Pony Express route, an advert for the Express and a picture from Seneca, which appears in the story.**

**I hope you like it and that it makes sense.**

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><p>CHAPTER 1<p>

"I, Castiel Lyndon, do hearby swear, before the Great and Living God, that during my engagement, and while an employee of Russell, Majors and Waddell, I will, under no circumstances, use profane language, that I will drink no intoxicating liqours, that I will not quarrel or fight with any other employee of the firm, and that in every respect I will conduct myself honestly, be faithful to my duties, and so direct all my acts as to win the confidence of my employers, so help me God."

Castiel lowered his right hand from his chest and looked at Mr. Russell.

"Alright boys. You are now officially riders of the Pony Express. I expect you to adhere to your oath and the good name of the Pony Express." He handed each of the three boys a bible. Castiel had never read the bible before, he never went to church either and flicking through the book later, he couldn't really make sense of the words. He could read, no doubt about that, but he only knew normal words. It was Mr. Majors who insisted that all the riders were given a bible when they had taken their oath. Castiel had heard that Mr. Majors frequently read his own bible and that he didn't drink or swear. He expected the same behaviour from the riders, but they were rugged men and they couldn't keep away from a drink now and again. The only thing Mr. Majors could be certain of was their loyalty to the company.

The three boys who had just been hired smiled, feeling proud at the moment and expectant of the adventures they would encounter.

It was September 1860, and four days ago, Castiel had seen an advertisement saying: "Wanted: Young, skinny, wiry fellows not over eighteen. Must be expert riders, willing to risk death daily. Orphans preferred."

Castiel was 16, he had no family, had been able to ride since he was five and was quite small of build. As for the risk of death... Well, he would do his best to live, but since he had no family it would hardly matter if anything happened to him. And a steady job as a rider was the best prospect he had had in a while. He would earn $100 a month, more money than he had ever had at one time.

He was in St. Joseph, Missouri, the first stop on the Pony Express route. From here, he would be one of the riders to take the trip to Seneca and there he would wait for the mail coming from San Francisco and bring it back to St. Joseph. He would change horses on the way; it was a distance of about 80 miles. The whole trip to San Francisco took ten days, faster than any stage coach carrying mail.

After the oath-taking at Patee House, the offices of the Pony Express, the boys went to the stables. Next to it was the house that would accomodate them while they worked for the Pony Express.

Castiel didn't have to wait long before he got to go on his first ride. The very next morning he was told to get a horse and go to Patee House, to collect the mochila that held the letters. He quickly attached his water pouch and mounted the horse and after he had collected the letters he rode off. He had to take the ferry boat across the Missouri River to Elwood. Horses were changed about every 10 miles and as soon as he got into the flow of it, it all went smoothly. He arrived at Seneca in an honourable time of about 6 1/2 hours and passed the mochila to the new rider.

As he dismounted, a tanned muscly guy came to take the horse from him.

"You're new," he said.

"Castiel Lyndon. Cas," he said, removing his hat and wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"I'm Dean Winchester. I work here."

Castiel noded and smiled at him. Then he drank the last of his water and went to the sleeping quarters to get cleaned up. The Pony Express sleeping quarters were located at the Smith Hotel.

Lunch was soon on the table and Castiel was glad to fill his empty stomach. He was no stranger to going hungry and he felt gratitude towards the chance he had been given. After lunch he took a nap and in the evening he went outside to get some fresh air before he turned in for the night. He saw Dean sitting on a bench outside the stable and went to join him.

"Are you from around here?" he asked and sat down.

Dean looked up at him and said: "No. I'm from Lawrence."

"Oh. How did you end up here?"

"I wanted to be a rider but I was too heavy. I was offered this job instead and ride if there's an emergency and no other riders are available."

"Did you leave Lawrence after the battle?"

Dean's face went dark and he said: "No."

Castiel felt he had crossed a line and said: "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring back any bad memories."

"It's alright," Dean said and stared at the ground. Shortly after, Castiel decided to turn in and said good night.

"Mmm..," Dean said, not really noticing him.

In his thoughts he was miles away in Lawrence, where he had lived with his parents before they were killed when the town had been attacked by Sheriff Samuel Jones and his men. It was May 1856, a week after Dean's 14th birthday. He and his parents had moved to the town two years before, shortly after it had been founded, having travelled from Arrow Rock in Missouri, where Dean had been born 12 years previously. Their reason for moving was their beliefs in abolition and in Missouri, slavery was still accepted. Lawrence, however, was founded in an attempt to make Kansas part of the United States as a free state, rather than a slave state.

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><p>Castiel was shaken awake early in the morning. He was very tired because he had stayed up late playing cards the night before but he was told he had to get ready for the ride back. They had heard the rider coming and Castiel was the one to make the trip to St. Joseph. When Castiel finally managed to open his eyes and focus on the person shaking him, he saw it was Dean.<p>

"Come on," Dean said and left.

Castiel jumped out of his bed and landed heavily on the floor. He felt like a ton of bricks and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. He quickly got dressed and went downstairs. He just had time to fill his water sack before the rider came and Castiel was given the mochila. He threw it on his horse and Dean, who was holding the horse, gave him a leg up. Then he was off. To his luck, the sky was beginning to lighten slightly. He didn't know the route that well, and he was afraid he would end up in a ditch or in the river. But he made it to St. Joseph in one piece. When he had dropped off the mail at Petee House, he went to the stables to hand over his horse and get something to eat.

He had stayed at Seneca for one day and had gotten to know a few people there. He had seen Dean around doing odd jobs and when he had asked him what his job was specifically, he had said he did a little of everything. He could shoe a horse if it was needed and he took care of them before and after the ride. He was also in charge of the supplies. In fact, he was going to make an order right then, so Castiel decided to go with him. Another rider was up for the next exchange, so he could make a quick trip. Seneca was quite nice. The main street was wide and had houses on both sides. There were wagons and horses and a general bustle. Castiel spottet the saloon. He had been in saloons before when he was younger; he had been so small that people hadn't really noticed him. Now he wondered if he should make a quick trip, you know, just to see what it looked like on the inside.

"Don't forget you took an oath," he heard Dean's voice say to the right of him.

"I won't," he said, still looking at the saloon but trying to follow Dean as well. He bumped into someone and turned around.

"I'm sorry," he said, as he saw it was a young girl with hair the colour of wheat.

"No harm done," she said and smiled at him, while walking off down the street. She looked to be well off, and was probably out of his league.

Castiel stood and stared after her, then he heard Dean's voice again: "Hey, Cas, I have to go and order feed for the horses."

Castiel finally turned and saw Dean looking at him with a furrowed brow. When he turned around and started walking off towards a big building on a side street, Castiel hurried after him. He didn't fancy losing Dean on his first trip to town. Also, he felt like a silly child, the way he stared at everything. And the way he had looked at that girl. Like he had never been up close to a woman before. It was kind of embarrassing.

When Dean had ordered the feed, they went to the general store to get a few personal supplies. Then they returned to the hotel. As they walked home, Dean was quiet.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked.

"Sure."

"You just seem very quiet."

Dean was quiet for a moment longer then he said: "Cas, I'm going to give you a piece of advice. Remember the oath you took, don't get sidetracked while out and about and don't get involved with women."

Castiel laughed a little. "Alright," he said, a little amused.

Dean continued: "If you want to keep your job you'll take the responsibility seriously. There are plenty of other young men willing to take your place."

Castiel stopped smiling. His good mood was disappearing. "And you're such a saint, are you?" he couldn't help saying.

"I'm no saint, but I know what my job is and it's not spending time in the saloon or making eyes at strange women."

That made Castiel smile again. "So are you saying you've never made a pass at a woman? Or had a drink?"

"No, I've had drinks, and I know they can lead to a lot of bad things."

They had arrived back and Dean went to the office to scribble something down.

Castiel thought he hadn't said anything about making a pass at women. He smiled. Could it be that Dean was a virgin? Castiel himself had been with a few women. Prostitutes, of course, when he had had enough money and the urge for sex had been greater than the urge to eat. It didn't really rock his boat, though. Maybe it would be different with a woman he was comitted to.


	2. Chapter 2

**I can't get my Sims Castiel to move in with my Sims Dean. He's always complaining. "Why do we never talk?", "We never do anything fun", "I'm not sure I'll have fun over here if I move in", etc. I never thought he was fickle. I think Dean, who has just gotten promoted for the fourth time, will focus on his career, earn a lot of money, build a huge house and have an affair with his neighbour, James Novak. Maybe that will get Castiel's attention. :P**

**Anyway, I came to upload another chapter. Sorry it's a bit short. I promise there will be another tomorrow.**

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><p>CHAPTER 2<p>

After two days in St. Joseph, Castiel was on his way to Seneca again. He had made plans with some of the other men for a game of cards and he was looking forward to it. When he rode up to the stables after handing the mail over to the new rider, he immediately spottet Dean looking at a horse's leg. He jumped off his horse, handed it to the tender and went over to Dean.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

Dean looked up and smiled when he saw who it was.

"She might be lame."

"Oh, shame. Are you in the card game later?"

"No, I don't play cards."

Castiel smiled. "What was that you said about not being a saint?"

Dean laughed and let go of the horse's leg. "I've just never been fond of playing cards, that's all. But I can guess you're a pro." He gave Castiel the once over, making him feel self-conscious.

"No, but I have made enough from playing to keep me fed."

The look in Dean's eyes changed as he realized that Castiel was the way he was for a reason. He had baggage too and Dean couldn't judge him for trying to survive.

"Maybe I can watch."

"Sure," Castiel said and went to get cleaned up. Before he turned the corner, he turned around and said: "We're not playing for money, anyway."

The card game turned out to be quite enjoyable. Castiel had thought that maybe he wouldn't find it interesting since there was no money at stake, but he quickly found himself enjoying the company of some good men and a few cups of coffee. He listened to the stories the men told about the Paiute War. The Pony Express had lost 16 employees and more than 100 horses had been stolen or driven off. There had also been civilian loss. The Paiute had attacked several of the express stations from May through June because they were starving after the hard Winter. At least, that's what some people said. Other rumours talked about the proprietors of the Williams Express station kidnapping and raping two young Pauite girls. When the station had been attacked and burned down, three people had been killed.

Castiel listened in silence as he played his cards. He looked over at Dean and saw the sad look on his face. He didn't know who he was sad for, but he had a feeling it was the two girls. From what he knew of Dean by now, he appreciated good behaviour and a proper attitude towards others.

The conversation changed to something more frivolous; the new girl at the saloon. She had black hair and a tiny waist and from what Harley said, she knew what she was doing.

Castiel made a mental note never to go to her. When he looked to where Dean had been sitting, he saw he was gone. When the game finished, Castiel excused himself and went outside to find him. He saw him sitting at the bench outside the stable, looking up at the moon. He went over and sat beside him.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?" Dean sounded a little surprised.

"You just looked very sad in there."

Dean took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't like violence. It reminds me of what happened to my parents."

"Your parents. What happened to them?"

Dean told him in a few words about the time his parents had been killed. His father had been one of the people trying to protect the town and his mother had been shot by a stray bullet.

Castiel was silent for a long time.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

Dean smiled a little. "What happened to your parents?"

"I never knew my father. My mother died when I was five. I don't really remember her. I stayed at an orphanage for a few years but they treated us really bad. So I decided I was better off alone." After a moment's silence he continued: "Did you stay in Lawrence after your parents died?"

"Yeah, I got a job as a farm hand, that's where I learned to do a little of everything, earning me this job when the Express opened."

"Ah."

"Where did you live before you came here?"

"Oh, here and there. Wherever I could make a bit of money. I was born in St. Louis. That's where the orphanage was and when I left I slowly made my way across the state."

They fell silent, feeling they understood each other better because of their mutual loss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just a quick note to say that I have taken liberties where I couldn't find relevant information. The people mentioned are all real, except the 'small fish'.**

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><p>CHAPTER 3<p>

It didn't take Castiel long before he knew the trail well enough that he could ride it at night without problems. He always enjoyed coming to Seneca; he was sure there was a card game waiting for him and he always enjoyed talking to Dean.

The equipment of the riders was reduced; now they just had the mail, their water sack and a firearm. Castiel had his Smith & Wesson.

In November, the topic on most people's lips was the presidential election. Dean was eligible to vote and he wanted Abraham Lincoln to become president. He held some of the same values as Dean's parents and it was really to honour them that he voted.

The day after the election had taken place, on November 7, 1860, the election result was brought from Fort Kearny to San Francisco by the Pony Express riders. Castiel was very disappointed that he didn't get to be one of the people carrying the important news. Seven days after the election, California newspapers could print the result of the election and that was faster than ever before.

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><p>When Cristmas came, there was a dance at the town assembly house. Castiel was lucky enough to be in town for it and he had bought a new jacket and pants so he would look his best. He hadn't spent a lot of his wages so he could invest in some new clothes with a good conscience.<p>

Even Dean showed up looking quite the gentleman. There was punch and cake and quite a few of the young ladies from town; accompanied by their parents, of course.

Castiel saw the girl he had bumped into on his first day in town. She was wearing a dark red dress and white gloves. Castiel went over to her and introduced himself. She looked at him like she was trying to place his face and he explained where they had met.

"Oh, yes. Now I remember," she said.

She introduced herself as Annabel and Castiel asked her to dance. She accepted and was very courteous but Castiel noticed her giving long looks to a tall, dark-haired man who looked like he could afford quite a few new suits. Then he noticed Dean standing by the table with the cake, looking a little sad. After the dance, Castiel escorted Annabel over to the punch and the tall man came over and asked her to dance. She acepted a little too readily, Castiel thought, and he watched her as she left. Seemed like he had competition.

He spottet Dean, still standing by the cake and went over to him.

"You looke like your having a good time," Dean said, when he saw him.

"Sure, Annabel's nice."

"And apparently very close with that guy," Dean said, and made a gesture towards the dancing couple.

"She's not attached. I still have a chance."

Dean just smiled at him and looked down at his cake.

"Why aren't you dancing?" Castiel asked him. "You're handsome enough for any of these girls."

Dean looked up at him in surprise and Castiel felt a little awkward.

He cleared his throat. "I mean, um, any of these girls would be hapy to get your attention."

Dean huffed out a laugh. "I'm not really looking for a girl," he said.

"I'm not suggesting you marry one of them. Just have a bit of fun."

Dean nodded and Castiel, who saw that Annabel was free again, made his excuses and went over to her. A while later, he saw Dean walse by with a girl. Sure he was dancing, but he had asked the most dull looking girl. Castiel sighed to himself.

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><p>After the dance had finished, Castiel saw Dean walking towards the hotel and ran up to walk with him.<p>

"I thought you might walk Annabel home," Dean said.

Castiel made a face. "She's not my type," he said.

"She wasn't interested, then?"

"No, it's not that, it just...alright, she wasn't interested."

"I bet you anything she has her eyes set on that tall guy."

"I thought you didn't bet."

"I wasn't _actually_ suggesting a bet."

Castiel laughed. "Talking of girls; why did you ask the most dull girl to dance? You could have had any of them."

"Sarah's a nice girl. She gets overlooked all the time because, like you, the young men thinks she's dull. I wanted her to have a little fun. Like you wanted me to have."

That sort of seemed like a very Dean thing to do, Castiel thought.

"So _did_ you have fun?"

"Sure, it was alright."

"I think you're a lost cause," Castiel said, smiling.

"Oh, I am," Dean said.

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><p>In January, Castiel arrived at Seneca, looking forward to spending some time with Dean. He couldn't really put his finger on why he liked Dean so much. He was nice and thoughtful towards others and he always helped if he could, but there was something else. Something that made Castiel feel like he had met someone special. Someone he would miss if he ever disappeared from his life.<p>

Dean was getting ready to go on a trip to Topeka. One of the men working at the station had died and Dean was going to bring his belongings back to his family. The man had been burried in Seneca, but he had a few good books, and a telescope that was too valuable to throw away and he hadn't made a will. Dean had volunteered to take the trip and since he could be spared a couple of days he had been allowed to go. When the station master spotted Castiel he asked him if he fancied a trip South. He didn't want Dean to go alone and knew Castiel to be a tough guy, in spite of his young age. Castiel agreed. It would be a nice change to go South at a somewhat slow pace for once.

They started off the next day. It was a cold Winter with a bit of snow of the ground and they had to sleep outside for one night each way. They brought some of the warmest blankets they could find and a few pieces of wood so they would be able to light a fire.

Bundled up in their thick coats they took off and found their way South. They stopped for lunch and took shelter under some trees. In the open country the wind was stronger and their feet and hands were getting cold. After lunch, they started to gallop for a while and it warmed them up a little. When they came across a fallen pine tree in a wooded area, they decided that would be a good place to spend the night. They could sleep snugly next to the tree and still have a fire burning to keep them warm. They tethered the horses and fed them and then they lit a fire and made a simple supper.

They crouched close to the fire, defrosting their hands.

"You know, you could have been spared this. You didn't have to come with me," Dean said, as Castiel was moving just a little closer to the fire.

"I don't mind. Anyway, it's a good idea to be two in case something happens."

"You don't have anybody if anything happens on your route."

"No, but I can take care of myself."

Dean laughed. "And I guess I can't."

"That's not what I mean." Cas tried to explain. He hadn't intended to imply that Dean was helpless. "I just mean that neither of us knows this area and you never know what kind of people you might run into."

"Don't worry, Cas. I'm not angry," Dean smiled at him. Castiel liked his eyes. He had never met anyone with green eyes before. They kept eye contact for a moment, and Castiel felt there was something unspoken between them. Something he wasn't sure he liked. It was the way Dean looked at him, like he liked him. Not that that was wrong. Castiel liked him too, but there was more to it than simply liking someone as a friend. He turned his eyes away and soon after, Dean said it was time to get some sleep.

"I'm not sure I _can_ sleep. It's so damn cold," Castiel said.

"Well, like I said, you didn't have to come."

"Alright, let's just turn in." Castiel would appreciate his warm bed from now on, that was certain.

In truth, it wasn't the first freezing night he spent outside. After he had run away from the orphanage, he had spent many nights out in the cold until he found a way to get inside barns and storage buildings for a bit of shelter.

Dean slept badly, it was so cold that he kept waking up and he was getting worried. He got up and put some more wood on the fire. Then he pulled Castiel closer to it and lay down next to him. This way they could keep each other warm.

When Castiel woke the next morning he found Dean resting against him and he almost freaked out for a moment, but then he realized why they were laying like this. He had slept close to his friends when he was a kid and it was a cold night. He took a moment to wake up, listening to Dean's breathing. He sounded very peaceful, it was almost a shame he had to wake up.

Castiel got up and went to fill the coffee pot with snow so they could get a good cup of coffee to warm up on. It took quite a bit of snow. It was funny how snow was all big and fluffy but when it melted into water there was hardly any liquid there. Dean woke up shortly after Castiel had finished the coffee and he handed Dean a cup.

"Coffee. Just what I need," Dean said and gratefully took the cup. They ate a bite of bread and dried meat and then went to get the horses. They arrived at Topeka in the evening and found the Grange family after asking for directions.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm glad you like this fic. I was afraid there would be too much history in it for some peoples' taste.**

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><p>CHAPTER 4<p>

The Grange family hadn't heard about Finley Thomas' death yet, and Dean was a little nervous to be the one to bring the bad news.

Finley's family was his sister Martha, her husband and three children. They were very upset about Finley's death, but they were grateful that Dean and Castiel had made the trip to tell them in person and they were happy to get the books and telescope. Their eldest son had seen the telescope when he was visiting his uncle and he had been fascinated by it.

Dean and Castiel were offered to stay the night and they accepted with pleasure. They got a good warm meal in the evening and a warm bed to sleep in and their horses could spend the night in a warm stable.

During breakfast, Dean was very quiet. The evening before he had talked with Martha's husband, Elliot, who had told him first hand about the troubles they'd had since the drought that had been going on all Summer. Their crops had died and they had fought to get anything to grow. They didn't have much in storage to see them through Winter and they had to buy food that was overpriced because of the situation. It hadn't rained since the middle of May and Elliot feared for the coming year.

When Castiel asked Dean if he was alright, he hesitated a little but then said everything was fine.

"You know, Topeka is only a day's ride away from Lawrence," Castiel said.

"Oh, really?" Dean said, pretending he didn't know that.

"Maybe we should go and have a look, you know, see if anything has changed since you were there last."

Dean became withdrawn again as he was mulling over the thing that had ocupied his thoughts since they came to Topeka.

It wasn't until they had said goodbye to the Grange's and mounted their horses that Dean said: "Lawrence is this way." He turned his horse and went off toward the East, Castiel riding after him with a smile on his face.

It took them about a day to get there. They had filled up on supplies in Topeka but since they would be out for at least another day, they would have to get supplies in Lawrence as well.

As they came closer to Lawrence, Dean felt more and more nervous. It wasn't that long ago he had been there but it was still strange to see everything again. They rode past the big oak tree where Dean, when he was 13, had kissed a girl for the first time and realized he never wanted to do that again. And they came by the field where, when he was 14, he had played in the hay with a friend and felt he wanted to kiss him instead, but hadn't, because it was wrong.

And when they rode down the main street, they passed the big hall where Dean, at age 15, had been kissed during a ball by Joseph, the cousin of a school friend, and had liked it so much they almost got caught. It was the first real affection he had received since his parents had died a year previously.

Dean stopped outside the general store.

"Why don't you go in and get a few more supplies," he said to Castiel. "I'll be back in a moment."

Then he rode off down the street and Castiel was left, watching him disappear.

Dean was going to the cemetery and he wanted to go alone. He quickly found his parents' graves and sat down for a while. A moment later, he heard footsteps behind him and turned around to see Pastor Gordon.

"I thought it was you," he said, when he saw Dean's face. "How have you been Dean?"

Dean stood up and shook his hand. "I've been good, thank you Pastor. How are things here?"

The Pastor sighed. "Well, we're not as affected by the drought as the rest of the state. We've received help from Illinois and a few other places."

Dean nodded. "I've just come from Topeka, they're not doing so well."

"Do you live in Topeka now?"

"No, I still work for the Pony Express, at the station in Seneca."

"Oh, that's a nice place I hear."

"It is. I'm very happy to work there."

"So are you just here for a visit, then?" the Pastor said and made a gesture towards the graves.

"Yeah, I'm with a friend. We had an errand in Topeka and since we were so close we thought we'd stop by."

The Pastor nodded. "People still think about your parents. Even though you're too far away to visit them regularly, they aren't forgotten."

Dean smiled sadly. "I'm glad to hear that," he said.

They made their way out of the cemetery and Dean untied his horse.

"We'll be staying at the hotel until tomorrow morning," he said. "Maybe we could spend the evening together?"

"Sure, why don't you and your friend come over for supper."

Dean said they would and rode back to the general store where he found a bored Castiel waiting for him.

"Finally! Where have you been?"

"I just had to do something. We've been invited to eat at Pastor Gordon's."

"Oh," Castiel said, as it dawned on him where Dean had been.

"We'll get rooms at the hotel and have a rest," Dean said, and started making his way towards the hotel.

"I didn't mean to be a pain," Castiel said when he finally caught up.

"It's alright," Dean said and smiled at him.

Castiel wondered to himself how Dean could be such a nice person after everything that had happened to him when he was younger.

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><p>They got two rooms and asked for a hot bath and afterwards, Castiel almost fell asleep on his bed as he waited for the time they had to leave. He startled when Dean knocked and tumbled out of bed to open the door.<p>

Dean smiled when he saw him. "You look like you need a nap," he said.

"I'm a bit tired from the bath."

"Maybe you'd rather stay here and have an early night?"

"No, no. I've been looking forward to it. It's the first time I get to meet someone who knew you when you were a kid."

Dean looked at him surveyingly, like he wondered why Castiel would be interested in that.

Castiel grabbed his coat and locked the door behind them.

They had a nice evening with Pastor Gordon and Hildy, his wife. They were both in their 50s and liked to make a fuss of the young people who visited them. Their children had left home more than twenty years ago and didn't live in Lawrence, so they liked young company, and a couple of boys like Dean and Castiel who had both lost their parents were the perfect candidates for their attention. Castiel had two helpings of dessert and when Dean gave him a look, Hildy just laughed and said he could have as much as he wanted. Castiel looked at Dean and smiled victoriously.

By the time they walked through the doors of the hotel, Castiel was yawning loudly.

Dean grabbed a hold of his coat when they were walking up the stairs and had to steer him to the right room.

"Are you sure you can make it into bed yourself," he asked.

"Sure," Castiel said and unlocked the door.

"Alright," Dean said, and hovered by the door. "As long as you're certain."

"I'll be fine, I'll see you in the morning," Castiel said and closed the door behind him.

"Lock it!" Dean called and waited for the sound of the lock. Then he went to his own room and quickly went to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**I've uploaded a drawing of Lawrence from 1869, just to give you an idea of how it looked around the time of the fic. Link on profile. This chapter might have slight angst from some people's point of view.**

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><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

Castiel came down for breakfast the next morning looking bleary-eyed. It wasn't until he had had two cups of coffee that he started looking somewhat awake.

When they had eaten, they went to get their horses. The weather was a little milder, but they still didn't look forward to two cold days in the saddle.

When they stopped for the night, they fell into a comfortable silence as they sipped their coffee. Now that Castiel had seen where Dean had grown up and met some of the people who knew him, he felt he knew Dean better. He understood the gentleness in his nature. Maybe, if Castiel had had that kind of people in his life he wouldn't have grown up to be such a disappointment.

"What are you saying? You're not a disappointment," Dean said.

"Oh," Castiel said, embarrassed, as he realized he had been so deep in thought he had been mumbling out loud.

"Cas, you're not a disappointment."

"Well, I'm not as good as you."

Dean couldn't help laughíng. "I'm not good, trust me!"

"Yes you are. You never get angry, you don't play cards or run after women and you always help people. Like this trip. You didn't have to go now. You could've sent a letter and then gone to give them the telescope when the weather got warmer."

"That wouldn't have been right," Dean said.

"Exactly! That's what I mean. I would never have thought that. I would have put myself first. My own comfort."

Dean just smiled.

"What?" Castiel said. "I'm telling you what a terrible person I am and you just smile."

"You're not a terrible person, Cas. You just had a difficult childhood where you had to put yourself first to survive. Old habits die hard, as they say. And anyway, you agreed to go on this trip with me. You aren't getting anything out of it."

Castiel thought for a while. "Well, that's true, I guess. Maybe you're a good influence on me," he said and smiled at Dean.

The reason Dean didn't think he was good was because he still couldn't become interested in women, only men, and that was wrong. He had felt really bad the day after he had kissed Joseph and he hadn't been with a man since. But he couldn't change how he felt, no matter how hard he tried. Castiel, at least, could become a good person. He could change his ways with a bit of time and become a caring husband, a helpful neighbour and a patient father. No matter how helpful or thoughtful Dean was, he could never change the fact that he preferred men. And right now, he preferred Castiel to any of the men he knew.

* * *

><p>They arrived back in Seneca the day after and as they rode down to the stables, rain started to fall. They looked up at the sky and smiled. Finally!<p>

When Castiel had to go back to St. Joseph the next day, he felt sad to leave Dean behind. He had really enjoyed their trip together and wanted to spend more time with him. He decided to be responsible about it and instead of thinking how he didn't want to leave, he thought he would be back in a few days. He felt a better person already.

Dean was also sad to see Castiel go. Now, he was a link to Lawrence, someone who knew what it looked like and had met some of the people there.

* * *

><p>On January 29, 1861, Kansas became a state and Lawrence and Topeka battled it out to become the capital. Sadly, Lawrence lost. Dean and Castiel discussed it over a cup of coffee in early February. Castiel thought it was okay that Topeka had been chosen. He liked Lawrence the way it was.<p>

"Just imagine the amount of people who would go there if it became the capital. Not to mention the number of saloons and brothels that would sprout." The last part was said with a crooked smile and a quick look at Dean.

"Hmm...," Dean just said, ignoring Castiel's attempt to poke fun at him.

* * *

><p>In the spring, the riders were telling the story of Bill Cody, who had rode into the station at Three Crossings and found that his relief rider had been killed during a drunken brawl the night before. Since there was noone else to take the trip, Bill had carried on with the run to Rocky Ridge, an 85 mile run, and then returned to his starting point at Red Butts Station. He had done it in 21 hours and 40 minutes, which was a record, and had gone through 21 horses.<p>

Castiel glanced over at Dean who, as usual, was sitting in the background watching them play cards. Dean smiled at him. He knew that Castiel wished it had been him; Bill was his age. Castiel's part of the run was close enough to civilization that the attacks were infrequent and he wouldn't have to do any daring rides.

Castiel turned his attention back to the game and tried not to look too annoyed. He had made up his mind to be more like Dean. People held him in great regard and Castiel wanted to earn that kind of respect as well. He felt he had to if he wanted to be friends with Dean. Not that Dean cared, he thought Castiel was fine the way he was, but Castiel didn't want his own bad behaviour to tarnish Dean's reputation. He felt that strange feeling again. The one he had felt on their trip to Topeka. He really liked Dean and he wasn't sure if it was normal to feel this way about another man. He decided not to worry about it. It was probably just because they had become so close lately and Castiel had never had a brother. Yeah, that was probably it.

* * *

><p>In March, 1861, the contract to transport mail on the centralnorthern route was awarded to Jeremy Dehut and Russell, Majors and Waddell had to close down part of the Pony Express line. Dean and Castiel asked to be transferred to the Utah division together and to their luck Dean got a job at the Rush Valley station. This would also be Castiel's home station. Some people called it Faust's station, after Henry Jacob Faust, a German immigrant who had dropped out of medical school, and was now in charge of the station, where he reared horses for the Express and the Army. He had built a nice ranch at the spot and Dean and Castiel immediately felt at home. Mr. Faust was a very nice man and was very knowledgeable. People called him Doc Faust because even though he didn't finish medical school, he still had a great knowledge of medicine.

Before they left Seneca, they went and got their photograph taken. This time in their life was ending and they wanted something to remember it by. They both got a copy of the photograph.

Castiel's new run was between Rush Valley and Salt Lake House, in Salt Lake City.

Dean gave Castiel an amused look when he was told.

"What?" Castiel asked.

"Are you sure you can keep away from all the temptations of the city?" Dean asked with a smile.

"Sure, I'm sure." Castiel tried to look offended but it didn't really work. Dean just laughed at him.

* * *

><p>In March, Castiel arrived back at Rush Valley after his run, looking forward to spending some time with Dean. It was his 17th birthday in a couple of days and he wanted to tell Dean.<p>

He felt very disappointed when he was told that Dean had gone to do the run to Fishsprings because there had been an extra trip and there was no other rider that could do it. Castiel spent the evening playing cards and felt ashamed of himself when he agreed to put money on a few hands. He lost, and quickly went to bed before he accepted the offer of a drink. He wouldn't be able to look Dean in the eye if he had. When he returned to Rush Valley after his next trip, there was still no Dean at the stables and when he asked about him he was told that he had been attacked and shot just before he arrived at Fishsprings. Some thieves thought he had valuables with him and tried to rob him. Dean had shot one of them and had been chased by the other who had shot him in the right side before turning back when they came too close to the station and people had spottet them and come to Dean's aid.

Castiel had to go and be by himself for a while. He was shaking a little and he felt a knot in his stomach. Dean could have been killed. And Castiel had never told him how much he appreciated his friendship. He took a deep breath and went to get something to eat. He was going to lay off the card playing from now on and he wouldn't go to brothels anymore. Not that he had since he started working as a rider, but he had thought about it once or twice. He wanted to show Dean by example how much he meant to him.

In the evening, Doc Faust found him and tried to cheer him up by telling him stories of the time he left medical school because of his bad health and instead went to look for gold in California.

Castiel smiled. "Don't you need good healt to look for gold?" he asked.

"Sure, but finding gold will make you better instantly," Doc said, making Castiel laugh.

"I helped set up this mail route, did you know?" Doc said.

Castiel straightened up a little, interested. "No. When was this?"

"Oh a long time ago. Before the Pony Express opened. I was in Salt Lake City and a man called Brigham Young asked me to be in charged of the mail so I took care of the route from Salt Lake City to Los Angeles. I was made station master here in 1857."

"That's not that long ago," Castiel said.

"Not impressed are you? Alright. Well, what about this. The man I mentioned, Brigham Young, he's the leader of the Mormon movement The Latter Day Saints, and he was once charged with polygamy. Myself and a man called Porter Rockwell were waiting outside the court house with horses to escape on in case he was found guilty."

"So, what happened?" Castiel's interest was definitely peaked now.

"Well, it turned out that the judge was living with a prostitute at the time and she said she would tell in court about their affair unless the judge found Brigham Young 'not guilty'. So he did."

Castiel laughed loudly. That was the best story he had heard in a long time.

"Why don't you get some sleep," Doc said. "Dean will be fine. He'll be back before you know it."

Castiel nodded.

* * *

><p>Dean returned to Rush Valley at the beginning of April. He had been operated on since the bullet had stayed inside his body. To his luck, a doctor had been present at the station and he had been given the best care possible. Who knows what kind of patch up he would have gotten if someone working at the station had had to extract the bullet. Dean sent a thankful thought to whoever arranged for the doctor to be there right when he was shot. Doc Faust had a look at him and said that the doctor had done a decent job.<p>

Castiel arrived back a couple of days later and found Dean in the stable cleaning the saddles. He could do easy jobs that didn't mean too much physical labour. Castiel's face turned into one big smile when he saw him.

"Dean! You're back! How are you doing?"

Dean smiled at him. "Hey, Cas. I'm doing fine. I'm healing quite quickly so I'm sure I'll be 100% in no time."

"You gave us quite a scare," Castiel said and patted him on the shoulder, his hand resting for a moment; just long enough that Dean could still feel the heat from it when he removed it.

"Sorry. I'll try not to get shot from now on," he said.

Castiel laughed a little. "Yeah, if you could do that that would be great," he said jokingly, but he could feel how relieved he was to see Dean again.

In the evening, Castiel found Dean on the bench under the oak tree and handed him some cake and a cup of coffee.

"What's this?" Dean asked.

"Birthday cake. It was my birthday last month and I wanted to celebrate but you weren't here, so I thought we could have some cake now." Castiel sat down next to him.

"Oh. Well, Happy Birthday!" Dean smiled and wondered why he got the special treatment. He knew Castiel and he had become quite close, but Castiel could have celebrated with the other people at the station. It made him ridiculously happy for some reason.

"So, I hear you don't play cards anymore," Dean said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, the guys have been complaining about how boring you've become. Apparently they liked winning money from you and were hoping for a repeat but they say you've stopped playing now."

Castiel could feel his cheeks burning a little. He had hoped Dean wouldn't find out about the money he had lost.

"Yeah, well, it was just a couple of hands, and anyway, I decided after that that I wouldn't play anymore."

"Cas, you don't owe me an explanation."

"I know, but I just wanted to...well, when I heard you got shot I regretted never having told you how much you mean to me. I mean, that I admire the person you are and that I want to be a better person because of you."

Castiel wasn't sure he was saying it right. He didn't want to sound like a sappy girl.

Dean felt warm all over at the words. He knew Castiel didn't mean that he loved him, or something like that. But it was still some sort of declaration. That he cared about Dean.

Castiel continued, trying to explain what he meant.

"What I mean is that I've never had a brother or someone in my life I could look up to, but I look up to you and I want to be more like you, you know, a better person."

Dean smiled. "That's very nice, Cas. And I really appreciate it, but you _are_ a good person. I've told you before, and I like the way you are now. Anyway, it would be really creepy if you became exactly like me."

Castiel laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

"But I do appreciate it, Cas." Dean's voice had a softness to it that made it tingle down Castiel's spine. He almost grabbed for Dean's hand but managed to control himself in the last second. What was wrong with him? Holding hands with a guy? It was one thing to tell him he liked him as a brother, but a completely other to make a move on him.

* * *

><p>A few days later, the news of the attack on April 12, 1861, on Fort Sumter in South Carolina by Confederate soldiers made its way to Rush Valley.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>PS. To the people who are reading The Asphalt World and A Perfect Gentleman. I'm working on them I've just run into a spot of trouble getting things to work out properly. I hope you'll stay tuned.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

The attack on Fort Sumter started a civil war. On one side were the United States of America, who belived in abolition, and on the other, the Confederate States of America, who wanted to keep slavery.

More details slowly reached Rush Valley. The Confederate army had fired at Fort Sumter for 34 hours straight. On April 13th, the fort had surrendered and was evacuated. President Lincoln called for volunteer armies and fighting began in the Eastern states.

The Pony Express still operated, only a handful of men left to join the war, and life went on.

By the end of May, Arkansas, Tennessee, North Carolina, and Virginia had joined the Confederation, which now consisted of 11 states.

There were no other news for a while and Dean and Castiel went on doing what they always did. They spent as much time together as they could and got to know each other better and better. Castiel told Dean about the time he had wrestled a coyote outside Columbia, Missouri. Castiel had bought food in town for his trip to wherever he would go next and had stopped to check the shoe of his horse a little outside town. He hadn't tied his food sack on properly and it fell off when he dismounted. When he was done looking at the horse he saw the coyote that was just about to snatch his food. He managed to grab the pouch before it could run away and he had to fight with it until he could get his gun and fire a shot in the air. That made it run away.

Dean laughed. "Well, it was good of you not to shoot the coyote," he said.

"The poor animal was just hungry," Castiel said and smiled.

They often shared stories like this over a cup of coffee and it made them forget the troubled times their country was in. But Dean couldn't shake the feeling that things would change very soon.

* * *

><p>In the middle of May, Dean turned 19 and to his joy Castiel was home on the day. They got cake and coffee again and spent a relaxed evening together. They were asked to join a card game but said no. When they had found their familiar spot on the bench, Castiel gave Dean a flat package.<p>

"Happy Birthday," he said.

Dean took the package. "You got me a present?"

"Sure."

Dean opened it and found a dime novel inside. '_Sybil Chase; or, The Valley Ranche. A Tale of California Life_' it was called.

"Just something to keep you company when you can't have intelligent conversations with me," Castiel said, trying to sound funny.

Dean held the book gently. It had been years since he last got a birthday present.

"Thanks, Cas," he said. He couldn't say anything else for fear of sounding sappy, but Castiel could hear the sincerity in his voice. He felt warm inside. It was just a cheap book, but Dean seemed genuinly happy about it.

"I'll look forward to reading it," Dean said.

* * *

><p>In June 1861, a new state was born. The people in the Western counties of Virginia had not wanted to join the Confederation Union and they became independent as West Virginia but they were not admittet into the Unites States until June, 20th, 1863.<p>

The army was swamped with volunteers and had trouble training them all. Dean and Castiel still worked for the Pony Express but things changed at the end of September, when the Express closed down. The transcontinental telegraph finally reached Salt Lake City and now connected California, Omaha, and Nebraska. There was no need for the Pony Express anymore. In fact, it had been losing money for quite some time and now there was no reason to keep it open.

"What will you do now?" Castiel asked Dean the same evening they had been told they would be out of a job.

"Maybe I'll go back to Lawrence. I want..." Dean lowered his voice so only Castiel could hear what he said.

"The Underground Railroad goes through there. I want to help."

Castiel nodded. "Can I come?"

* * *

><p>After saying goodbye to everybody at the station and collecting their last wages, Dean and Castiel set off for Lawrence. They had bough a couple of horses from Doc Faust and plenty of supplies. They took the Pony Express route to Marysville and then turned South on the trail towards Topeka. When they had gone through Topeka, they followed the river to Lawrence.<p>

Before leaving Topeka, though, they stopped and visited the Grange family, who were happy to see them. They offered Dean and Castiel to spend the night before they made the last leg of their journey and they accepted gladly.

They told about the closure of the Pony Express and got all the latest news from the area.

General John C. Frémont had proclaimed the emancipation of Missouri. It was a slave state and General Frémont had issued a statement saying that all slaves owned by people who had carried arms against the Union should be freed. Lincoln had later withdrawn that statement of the General's behalf and had replaced him with General David Hunter.

* * *

><p>When Dean and Castiel arrived in Lawrence they went straight to Pastor Gordon who was happy to see them. Dean had a feeling that the Pastor would know about the Railroad. They were invited for supper and went to get rooms at the hotel and get cleaned up.<p>

During supper, Dean asked if there were any houses or farms for sale. After a bit of talking back and forth, Dean managed to get to the real topic and Reverend Gordon said they could always use help but it was a dangerous job. The boys assured him they were aware of that and that they still wanted to help.

In the end, they decided to buy a small house that was for sale. It had a vegetable garden where they could grow some crops and Dean had his experience at doing odd jobs. He could ask the blacksmith for some work and maybe do some carpenting. Castiel could get a job at the grocer's, who also worked for the Railroad, and could use some help in his store. That way, they could pass messages without arousing suspicion.

The next day, Dean and the Pastor went to talk to the owner of the house. It was owned by a widow, who was going to move to California to live with her son and his wife. He didn't want his mother to live alone so close to the unrest. Dean paid a reasonable price for the house that consisted of a small kitchen, a living room and a bedroom. He also bought the furniture, since the widow couldn't take it with her and he and Castiel needed it. There was a small shed where the tools her husband had owned were still hanging. He bought those as well, they would come in handy. All in all, it was a great buy and it saved them a lot of trouble.

They met up with Castiel and went to the grocer's, who was happy to see them. He needed the help and the fact that there were two more volunteers made it even better.

Dean and Castiel would move into the house three days later, and they spent the days getting to know people and in Dean's case, getting re-aquainted with some of them. He already knew the blacksmith and could work there two days a week. It was at least a start, but people who remembered him and his parents were quick to go to him for little jobs and he soon made a decent income. Combined with Castiel's steady income, they got by fine and even managed to save a bit. They also put some money in the Railroad for clothes, food and disguises for the fugitives.

In reality, they both had a nice sum in the bank from their work for the Express. Dean was saving his because he wanted to buy a farm when the time was right and Castiel didn't really know what to do with his. He had never been used to having any. He did buy things from time to time when he needed them and it was nice to know he could, but he wanted to save as much as possible. He didn't know what the future would bring. Dean hadn't said no when he had asked to come with him and he hoped they would still be friends in the years to come. He had a feeling the money could come in handy someday.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

It didn't take Dean and Castiel long to settle in to their new house. Castiel had never had his own home before and he was very happy. They stocked up on food from the grocer's along with other things they would need. They had to decide who got the bedroom and Castiel was quick to give it to Dean. He didn't mind sleeping in the living room. They put a mattress on the floor in the corner and Castiel was more than happy. He had everything he wanted.

They quickly got into the routine of the Railroad and how it worked and Dean's odd jobs meant that the other volunteers could go and talk to him about important matters concerning the fugitives under the excuse of having a job for him.

One Sunday morning, Dean woke up and went to make coffee, only to find Castiel's bed empty. Dean usually had to wake him up on Sundays, the only day he could sleep late, so he was puzzled. He looked in the kitchen but it was empty. He thought maybe he was out in the garden, so he waited. Half an hour later, there was still no sign of him and Dean was getting worried.

Finally, after another half hour, Castiel walked through the door and when he spottet Dean said a cheerful: "Good morning!"

"Where the hell have you been!" Dean exclaimed.

Castiel looked at him with surprise. Dean didn't usually swear.

"Tom Painter came and knocked during the night. I took a fugitive some of the way to the next safe house. You know, the young man who had gotten lost and spent two weeks finding his way back."

Dean gave a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would take that long. I didn't mean for you to worry." Castiel's forehead furrowed. He wasn't used to people worrying about him.

"Just... next time, leave a note," Dean said.

"Alright." Castiel poured a cup of coffee and went to sit down by the table.

"So should I just write I've gone away with a fugitive?" he asked and looked at Dean innocently.

Dean stared at him, then he shook his head, as to say "You're hopeless."

Castiel just smiled at him.

After a moment, Dean said: "Cas, promise me you'll be careful if you ever go out like that again. If you get caught they'll kill you."

"I promise," Castiel said. He knew he had run a risk but the young man he had helped had been on the run for weeks and Castiel wanted to make sure he was on the right path for the next safe house.

Dean looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn't. He couldn't tell Castiel what to do, just hope that he didn't take any unnecessary risks.

* * *

><p>For the next six months, Dean and Castiel lived in Lawrence, doing their bit to help out. They had plenty of time to talk in the evenings and soon knew each other really well. Dean felt himself grow fonder of Castiel. He had embraced his new responsibility and was becoming a respected person in the community. Castiel, on his part, felt increasingly confused by the way he felt about Dean. Castiel felt he was like a brother, but there were times, when they were sat in front of the fire, the shadows softening Dean's features, that he felt like he wanted to get to know him better. Which was silly, because they knew practically everything about each other.<p>

Castiel turned 18 in March, and he was finally able to celebrate with Dean like he had wanted a year ago. They were invited to eat at Pastor Gordon and Hildy's and when they got home in the evening, Dean handed him a big box.

"What's this?" Castiel asked.

"A present of course."

Castiel opened the box and found a hat inside. It was dark brown with light brown stampede strings.

Castiel's face cracked into a smile.

"A hat!" he said.

"I thought you needed a new one instead of that moth holed thing you've been wearing."

"It's not moth holed," Castiel said, offended, then: "Alright, maybe it's a little old. I did get it second hand." He had, in fact, gotten it 'second hand' off the head of a passed out, drunken cowboy when he was 12 and 'traded' his own bowler hat for it.

He tried the hat on and it fit perfectly.

"Thanks, Dean," he said.

* * *

><p>The Army was becoming in need of volunteers, and in April, 1862, a draft law was passed. It meant that all men between the ages of 18 and 35 should sign up for duty. In spite of this, there weren't that many that were drafted.<p>

Dean turned 20 in May and Castiel gave him a new saddle. The one he had was almost falling apart and Dean had repaired it more than once.

In the beginning of June, Castiel returned home from a trip to Topeka. He returned in time for supper and when they had sat down to eat he said: "Dean, there's something I have to tell you."

He had been quiet since he returned and Dean knew what it was.

"No," Dean said. "You're not going."

Castiel looked at him with pained eyes. "I've made up my mind. I'm not changing my decision."

Dean threw his fork on the plate and fisted his hands.

"Why, Cas?"

"Because I want to help out."

"By getting killed?" Dean almost yelled.

Castiel looked down. He felt a knot in his stomach. He had known Dean would be upset but he hadn't expected him to react like this.

"I want to go," he said.

Dean breathed heavily. "Do you? Do you really? Because I don't think that's true. I think you're still trying to show everybody that you're a responsible person and not some card playing, brothel visiting kid."

Castiel snapped his head up and looked at him with hard eyes, making Dean push back in his chair with surprise.

Then Castiel got up and left. When Dean had calmed down a little, he realized he had gone too far. He went out to look for Castiel and found him at the stables further down the street where they boarded their horses. He was grooming his Palomino.

Dean walked up and stood behind him. "I'm sorry, Cas. I didn't mean what I said. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

Castiel stopped what he was doing and just stood there.

"I'm just trying to do the right thing," he said, still with his back to Dean. He was afraid that his eyes were red from the tears he was trying to hold back, and he didn't want Dean to see.

"I know. But you're helping out here as well. What we do is just as important if not more so. We're saving lives instead of taking them."

Castiel sighed. "I know." He finally turned around but kept looking at his brushes. "Look, maybe the war will end soon. Maybe I'll end up somewhere where nothing happens. Maybe I won't even be shipped out before they finish training me."

"That's a lot of maybes," Dean said.

"I have to go, Dean."

Dean put his hand on his shoulder. He was still quite short for his age, Dean suddenly realized.

"Will you write to me when you can?"

Castiel finally met his eyes. "Of course I will."

"And don't do anything stupid because you want to be a hero." Dean tried to smile but it came out a grimace. He felt his heart was a stone in his chest and he knew how much he loved Castiel. He had for a while now. He had liked him at first, but their time in Lawrence had made him realize how great a person Castiel actually was and he had slowly fallen in love with him.

* * *

><p>Castiel was going by stage coach to Harrisburg in Pennsylvania, where he would undergo training in Camp Curtin. Many people gathered to say goodbye to him and they all wished him good luck and told him to come back safe. Dean hugged him, but in front of all these people he had to let him go before he wanted to. Castiel tried giving him a reassuring smile, but failed. He said he would write as soon as he arrived, got in the stage coach and was gone.<p>

Dean went home. He felt like a part of him had been ripped out. For the first time since his parents died, he cried and he wasn't ashamed of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**It's been a bit difficult to keep track of all the Corps and Infantries because they merged and changed around a lot. It wasn't my intention to write another North And South so I've only included battles and other army information that are important to the story. **

**Sorry in advance for any broken hearts. :)**

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

Four weeks after Castiel had left, Dean received the first letter from him. He was waiting to muster with the 138th Pennsylvania Infantry in August. Pennsylvania was nice but he really just wanted to get started.

On August 16, 1862, Castiel became an infantry soldier under the command of Colonel Charles L. K. Sumwalt. He signed on for three years but hoped the war would be over long before that. He wrote a letter to Dean soon after training had started.

"We eat, we drill, we eat, we drill, we eat, we drill. That's how the days are spent. We've been given our equipment but hear that soldiers on the move discard most of it since they have to carry everything themselves. I can understand that. I don't see how a Bible will help me fight."

The rest of the letter tried to be cheerful and let Dean know that Castiel was doing good, but Dean saw through it. Castiel might not be regreting his decision, but Dean knew he wasn't there completely voluntarily.

What Castiel and the other new recruits had been taught, apart from how to march up and down, was how to avoid getting scurvy, typhus and other interesting diseases and how they could forage for food when their rations were gone.

Dean wrote back telling Castiel that everything was as usual and other little trivialities about the goings on in town he thought might cheer him up.

* * *

><p>The next letter Dean got was to let him know that Castiel's division had moved to Baltimore and were comfortably quartered at the Relay House. He was now a part of the VIII Corps under Major General John E. Wool. Their main task was to guard the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad between Baltimore, Harpers Ferry and Winchester. Castiel almost felt that Winchester was a sign he was supposed to be there. That made Dean smile bitterly.<p>

Castiel continued to send him letters where he told that everything was fine, he still hadn't been in battle even though the Confederate Army was looking to get control over the railroad. That eased Dean's mind a little. He kept up with the news, trying to be prepared for a time that Castiel might not write. His regiment had been involved with the Shenandoah Valley Campaign in the Spring and the Confederate Army would most likely attack again.

By December, he had lost weight worrying over Castiel and he slept badly at night. He was still happy doing what he did, but he felt increasingly useless and saw no point to anything anymore.

He received a letter in January, saying Castiel hoped he had had a nice Christmas and that he was now under the command of Robert C. Schenck. Things were still quiet.

Dean started to relax a little but that changed when he received a letter saying that Castiel's regiment had moved to Harpers Ferry in the middle of June. All was quiet for a while, then Dean received a letter telling him that Castiel's regiment was moving about all the time. They had gone from Harpers Ferry to Washington, then they joined the rest of the Division at Frederick to pursuit Lee and were now, three weeks into July, in Wapping Heights. They had joined the 3rd Division, III Corps with the Army of Potomac.

* * *

><p>On August 21, 1863, the war came to Lawrence, when Lieutenant Colonel William C. Quantrill, a man who had once lived in the town, came with 300-400 men at dawn and attacked the town. For more than four hours they plundered the town, set fire to the buildings and killed almost 200 men and boys; most of the town's male population. Dean didn't know how he survived. He stood paralyzed looking at the maddness.<p>

Lawrence had long been a thorn in the eye of it's pro-slavery neighbouring states. It was the home of Jayhawkers, vigilante groups that attacked farms in Missouri. The attack was revenge, but the man they were after, Senator James H. Lane, had escaped in his nightshirt by running through a cornfield. He had been responsible for an attack on Osceola, Missouri two years perviously.

The day after, one of Quantrill's men was lynched in town and on August 25, General Thomas Ewing, a Union General, authorized an order that counties in Missouri near the Kansas border should be evicted. Thousands of people were forced to leave their homes. Charles 'Doc' Jennison raided Missouri, burning houses to the ground.

Dean couldn't make sense of the madness. His town was destroyed, women made widows and children were without their fathers.

He tried to stay and help with the rebuilding but in the middle of October, he heard that Jennison had been made colonel and had been put in charge of the 15th Kansas Cavalry.

Dean thought the massacre of Lawrence horrible but he didn't believe in returning violence with even more violence. That was what Jennison had done and now he was rewarded for it. Ironically, Dean thought, if the cavalry had existed a year ago he might have been able to persuade Castiel to join there instead of going off to the most dangerous part of the country.

He had to get away and went to Topeka to hide in a hotel room. While there, he got the paper and read about the Bristoe Campaign. On October 13, 1863, General Major J. E. B. Stuart of the Confederacy had been on one of his usual raids to capture supply wagons and had practically bumped into the rear guard of the Union III Corps near Warrenton. Dean felt an icy hand grip his heart. That was Castiel's Corps. He read on with shaking hands. Stuart had hid his troops in a ravine until the enemy was gone and had attacked Bristoe Station the next day, while the Union Army was retreating. The Union Army had won the battle but there were almost 2,000 casualties.

Dean put the paper down. With that many dead there was a possibility that... No, it was too terrible to think about. He couldn't stay here. He would go mad. In a split second he decided to join the army. It was the only thing he could think of doing now. The man he loved was out there, maybe dead, his neighbours and friends murderd, and his house burned down. He had nothing left. Only the chance of making a small difference in the war. Yes, he hated war but he had to do something.

He took the photograph of him and Castiel out and looked at it. He had managed to save a few belongings before the house disappeared in flames. He had his most valued belongings in a small box. The photograph, and also one of his parents, his father's fob watch and the dime novel Castiel had given him. It had been easy to rescue them. A few days later, he got on the stage coach for Pennsylvania. He had written a letter to Castiel, even though he didn't know if he was alive. He wanted to let him know that he was joining up and would write to him when he knew which regiment he would be in.

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><p>Castiel was getting tired of moving around. He had lost weight from the marching and lack of food. They got three days' rations at a time, but they were heavy and just like the other soldiers he would sometimes eat them on the first day. He had seen his first battle and it had left him rattled. He had never seen so many dead people at one time before. He had tried to save some of his injured friends and had managed to drag some of them to safety but just as many had died. He had to block it out and just get on with it.<p>

He still received letters from Dean but it took weeks for them to arrive. When he had heard about the Lawrence Massacre he had been horrified. He was sure Dean was dead. He was a healthy young man and he couldn't imagine they would have let him live. He thought about all the friends he had made in Lawrence and he cried.

When he received the letter from Dean, he could see by the post mark that it was sent after the attack and he was elated, but when he read the contents he felt sick. Dean didn't know if Castiel was dead or alive and he had nothing left in Lawrence so he had gone to Pennsylvania. Castiel's hands tightened and crumbled the paper.


	9. Chapter 9

**I've uploaded a link to a photograph of Lawrence from 1867. It's difficult to imagine the town was attacked a few years before it was taken; it looks so normal. That's definitely worth taking a look at.**

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><p>CHAPTER 9<p>

After finishing his training, Dean was assigned to the 3rd Pennsylvania Reserve Regiment. They had lost a lot of men during their battles and Dean was sent to join them in Washington where they rested while recruiting new men. As soon as he arrived he sent a letter to Castiel. He still hadn't heard from him and Dean wanted to let him know where he was. If he was still alive.

Castiel had sent a letter to Dean in Pennsylvania. He hoped it would reach him before he left but the army needed men and Dean was sent out faster than Castiel had been so the letter didn't reach Dean.

In January 1864, Dean's regiment was sent to West Virginia, where they were to perform garrison duty. Dean sent another letter to Castiel to let him know where he was. Dean was quite comfortable, compared to what some of the other regiments went through. In March, he received a letter from Castiel. His heart leaped whe he saw the handwriting. Then he was still alive!

He couldn't get it open quick enough. It had been redirected from Pennsylvania. It was the letter Castiel had written after receiving word from Dean that he had joined up.

Castiel told him how sad he was to hear about Lawrence and that he wished Dean hadn't gone to Pennsylvania but he understood. He was at Brandy Station and he was fine.

Shortly after the letter had been written, Castiel had been in the Battle of Mine Run. The Union Army had been present with almost 70,000 men, the Confederate only about 40,000. Still, the battle had been inconclusive. The US Army had lost over 1,000 men. Dean had tried to get the names of the dead, but the lists weren't conclusive. At least Castiel wasn't on it and that left an possibility that he was still alive.

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><p>Castiel turned 19 in March, and Dean sent a letter to him wishing him Happy Birthday. A few days later, he received another letter written in February, after Castiel had received Dean's letter that he would be in West Virginia. He was still at Brandy Station and had only suffered minor scrapes and a gracing bullet. He was relieved to hear Dean was on garrison duty.<p>

In May, about a week before Dean turned 21, he saw his first battle at Cloyd's Mountain. It was a short battle, a little over an hour, but the struggle was fierce and Dean was shot in the right thigh and left arm. He was admitted to the infirmary and spent some weeks there getting better. His regiment mustered out on June 17, 1864, and those men who still had time left to serve or who reenlisted, were transferred to the 54th Pennsylvania Volunteer Infantry on June 8. Dean had signed on for a year but his leg was giving him trouble and it was uncertain if he would ever rejoin his regiment.

He wrote to Castiel and told him that he had been hurt but that it wasn't bad. He would be fine in no time. Since he wasn't back on duty, Castiel could read between the lines that he wasn't fine at all. But at least he was out of harm's way for the moment.

Castiel himself had been in battle in the beginning of May, when the Battle of the Wilderness had taken place. Of just over 100,000 US Soldiers, almost 20,000 died. And the madness continued. Castiel's regiment was in continuous action throughout May and some weeks into June. They moved back to Baltimore and there was a battle at Winchester on September 19.

Castiel's letters to Dean changed. He stopped trying to reassure Dean that he was fine. He mostly wrote about the horrors he had seen, how everybody around him died and that the world had gone mad. He was tired, hungry and cold and he wasn't sure if he could make it to the end. When would the end come?

Dean was worried. He could have meant the end of the war but also his own end, the day he would die. Castiel begged Dean to leave when his commitment was over in November. He had done his part and Castiel would feel more at ease knowing he was out of the chaos.

Dean's leg finally got better and he rejoined his regiment, which had been transferred to the Army of the James. In September 1864, they saw battle at Chaffin's Farm.

Letters were delayed for weeks now and neither of them had any idea if the other was alive or not. There was reshufling of Dean's Corps and merging with others to create new ones. Dean ended up at the siege of Petersburg where he stayed until November and left to go to Washington D.C. His leg was still causing him trouble and he wanted to find a doctor who could take a look at it. And anyway, he didn't know where to go. The last he had heard from Castiel was after the Battle of Cedar Creek in October.

He had stared for a long time at the shaking letters on the paper. His heart was slowly breaking at what Castiel must be going through. When Castiel was given leave he didn't go anywhere, he had nobody to visit and the lack of contact with people outside the army was taking it's toll.

While Dean was in Washington, Castiel's regiment came through on their way to Petersburg. Dean didn't know this, otherwise he would have gone to see him. In January, he finally decided to go back to Lawrence. He wrote a letter to Castiel but didn't know if he would receive it.

During the attack on Petersburg on April 2, 1865, Castiel was hit by morter shrapnel and got shot in the right hip. He was unconscious while he was transported to the infirmary and was operated on. The bullet had lodget itself into the bone and he was out for several days.

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><p>When Dean got back to Lawrence in February, he bought a small farm on the outskirts of town. It was with mixed feelings he got off the stage coach. He recognized a few people and they came up to him and welcomed him back. The town was being rebuilt and new people had settled there, but it would never be the way it was before. Dean spent the next few months making improvements on the farm and the house, planting crops and going back to doing a few carpentry jobs for the people in town. He had bought a horse and a few chickens. He still waited for word from Castiel, but as the weeks went by, he became more sure that he was dead. He hadn't found his name in the official lists but so many people were uncounted for. There was also the chance that he had been taken prisoner by the Confederate Army.<p>

On April 9, 1865, the Confederate Army surrendered and on April 14, President Lincoln was shot dead. The war was over with his end as president as it had started shortly after he came into office. The slaves were finally freed with the Emancipation Declaration, the last ones finally freed by December 18, 1865.

Dean read the newspapers and was glad it was finally over, but he got up every morning and got on with his chores because he didn't know what else to do.

One hot day in August, a rider arrived at the farm. People sometimes stopped by on their way into town to ask about the state of things.

Dean looked at him and didn't regognize him as Castiel.

Castiel dismounted slowly. He looked older than he was, he hadn't shaved in weeks and he had a scar from a piece of shrapnel that started in the middle of his forehead above his left eye and had narrowly avoided his eye, only to pick up below it and continue halfway down his cheek. His bad hip made his body stiff.

"Dean?" he said, blinking against the sun.

It wasn't until he spoke that Dean recognized him.

"Cas?" he asked. Castiel smiled at him and Dean ran over and hugged him tightly.

"I thought you were dead," Dean said when he finally let him go.

"I almost was."

"Come inside and have some coffee." That was all Dean could think of saying.

Castiel put his horse in the pen and went inside with Dean. The house was sparsely furnished, so Castiel immediately spottet the photograph from Seneca. It was in a frame standing on the mantlepiece; a big wooden beam above the fireplace. He went over and picked it up, looking at it for a long time. Then he saw a thin book leaning against the chimney. It was tattered and soiled and it took him a moment before he recognized it as the dime novel he had given Dean for his birthday in a different life.

Dean came over and stood beside him.

"It's good to see this photograph again," Castiel said. "I lost mine during a battle."

He put the photograph back and Dean said: "Coffee's ready."

They went over to the table and Dean suddenly felt very tired. He had thought Castiel was dead and he had fought to keep his emotions inside but now that he was here, alive, Dean felt the air go out of him like a deflating balloon.

They talked the rest of the day, not so much about the battles, there was no need for that, but about how they got out. Castiel had spent weeks in hospital. The bullet in his hip had been difficult to remove and his hip was still so bad it took him a long time to get warmed up on the horse before he could pick up any sort of speed. He had bought a horse in Washington and had ridden the whole way here. It had helped him to get his thoughts in order. One day, when he had gone through a small town to get some water, he had seen a barrel of apples outside the grocer's. He hadn't had an appel since the Autumn and he went over and got two and went in to pay. The grocer recognized him as a soldier and had told him he could have the apples for free.

Castiel's left hand was resting on the table and when Dean sat down after refilling their mugs, he placed his own hand on top and curled his fingers around it. Castiel didn't pull away, he just closed his fingers around Dean's and they sat like that for a long time as their conversation turned to 'do you remember' as they thought back to their time with the Pony Express.

-ALMOST THE END-

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><p><strong>I've written a little "And then..." which I intended to put up as a separate story but I think I'll just stick it on here. If I can ever stop wincing about how fluffy it is. I intended it to be a bit of porn but it just didn't seem right to write smut after all they've been through. But there will be a bit of detail so stay tuned. :)<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's the last bit. Thanks for reading and commenting; I hope you'll like the ending.**

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><p>10 Days follow up<p>

Dean stretched in the bed trying to ease his aching muscles and get them warmed up for another day's work. He had a lot of things to do. They could start harvesting their crops soon and he had to get the storage crates and shelves ready. He also had an order for a cabinet for the mayor's wife.

He opened his eyes and saw that it was just getting light. He untangled himself from Castiel's arms and went to get washed up and make coffee. He always did it as quietly as possible so not to wake Castiel up before he had to. They had been living together for over a year now, and it wasn't until lately that Castiel had begun sleeping through whole nights without waking up from nightmares about the war.

Dean put the coffee pot on the stove after lighting a fire and found the bread in the bread box. He had made it himself. He found carpenting relaxing and he had been teaching Castiel. The Castiel he got back from the war was different than the young boy he had known in the years with the Pony Express. He was quiet and started at loud noises. Dean just wanted to hold him and comfort him like you would a child but he hadn't been ready for any close contact for several weeks after he got back to Lawrence. They slept in the same bed and Dean woke up almost every morning with Castiel's arms around his waist but when he was awake he didn't do more than hold hands with Dean.

Dean had been patient; he was relieved that Castiel had come back in one piece, even though his bad hip made him seem like an old man when he got up in the morning. But Dean didn't care. He would take care of him for the rest of their lives. Castiel often apologized because he wasn't of more help. There were certain things he couldn't do and Dean had to ask their neighbours for help, but that was fine. Dean helped their neighbours when they needed it. That was the way it was. People in town didn't know they loved each other. They just assumed that they were old friends and Dean was taking care of Castiel because of his war injury. That was true, of course, but there was so much more to it.

Castiel came into the kitchen right as Dean was getting two mugs out. He went over to Dean and kissed him good morning. It was a small gesture but it made Dean happy. It showed how comfortable Castiel had become with their relationship. After two months of sleeping in the same bed, Castiel had finally been ready to let Dean kiss him. Dean had been very careful not to scare him off and it had been a very tender kiss that had made Dean's head spin. It had happened after they had gone to bed one evening. There had been a lot of people on the farm to make orders for cabinets and shelves and to sell Dean some wood and Castiel had been hiding most of the time, not ready to face so many different people in one day. When they were finally alone in the evening, under the covers in the bed, he had asked Dean to kiss him. Dean's stomach had made a somersault. It was such a big step for both of them.

Since then, they had been on the kissing stage for several months. Dean wanted more and he often thought about asking Castiel if they could take it a step further but his courage always failed him at the last second. He couldn't in a good conscience ask Castiel for something he knew he wasn't ready for.

But about a month ago Castiel had been very relaxed as they were kissing before going to sleep. Dean was half on top of Castiel, one arm under Castiel's neck and a hand on his hip. Without really noticing it, their kiss had turned very breathy and Dean suddenly felt Castiel's erection against his thigh. Castiel's grip on Dean had become tighter and Dean had moved his hand up to caress his face, looking into his eyes to see how far he wanted to go. Castiel had nodded and Dean had carefully started to stroke him. He was careful at first and Castiel had squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep his moans to a minimum. A couple of times, Castiel's hand had moved like he wanted Dean to stop and Dean had slowed down and given him time to relax. He had asked if he wanted to stop but Castiel had said no, so Dean had continued. He had started kissing Castiel's neck and Castiel was caressing Dean's back. Then his whole body shook and he made a cry deep in his throat as he spilled onto his own stomach and Dean's hand. Castiel had cried afterwards and Dean had held him until he had fallen asleep.

For a couple of days after that, Castiel had been even more quiet than normal and Dean was getting a little worried. But then Castiel had wanted to take care of Dean and Dean had gladly accepted. It had been wonderful for Dean but he still couldn't help keeping an eye out for how Castiel looked. He didn't want him to do it because he felt he had to. Afterwards, Dean asked him if he regretted the other night and Castiel had apologized and said he had cried because of everything that had happened. Not because he regretted it. That had eased Dean's mind and he had slept through the night without waking up.

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><p>Castiel was very happy being back with Dean again. It was the thought of him that had gotten Castiel through the horrible war with at least some sanity left. The things he had seen were in his nightmares almost every night. He would wake up covered in sweat and sometimes shouting and Dean would be there to calm him down and sit with him until he had fallen asleep again.<em> If <em>he fell asleep. The images of the dead bodies, severed limbs and cries of dying men were always with him; awake or asleep. He was so grateful that Dean put up with him, bad hip and all. He couldn't bend down to pick up things very well and he had trouble lifting anything too heavy. It often frustrated him and he did his best to do the jobs he could. He cooked their meals and fed the animals; they had a couple of horses, some chickens and a cow.

He had spent the first weeks back more or less inside the house all the time. A few people who had known him before had come to visit him and he had managed to spend some time with them but he just wanted to be left alone. It was only Dean he could stand being with. He reminded Castiel of the days when life was fun and his biggest concern was when he could spend time with Dean again. Back then, he had hankered for the kind of respect he saw Dean got from people. Going off to war had earned him that respect but now he didn't care about it.

He had spent many hours with Dean in the workshop learning how to do carpentry and he liked it. He could just do his own thing and at the same time work through some of the more painful memories. Dean had said he had a talent for carpentry and he had taken over some of Dean's orders. It helped him feel like he was pulling his weight, though Dean never complained. Like always, he just encouraged Castiel and said he was perfectly happy with the way things were.

Which made Castiel think about their intimate times together. He really loved Dean but it had been difficult for him to go from platonic to physical love. It was one particularly difficult day that made him realize he was ready. There had been people all the time and Castiel had been there to talk to the first two women who made an order for a trunk for the girl's wedding. Women he could deal with. They were kind and understanding. But later, there had been men arriving to do this and that and Castiel had either gone into the house or the barn. He knew Dean could probably use some help but he just couldn't face them. And Dean had never said anything. Hadn't called for Castiel to come out and help. That's when Castiel finally felt safe; really safe that he would never again be forced to do something he didn't want to; something that was so against his nature. He had had enough of that in the war.

Castiel had finally been ready to let Dean get closer and it had been good. Though Castiel was a little puzzled as to why Dean enjoyed kissing him so much. They had a small mirror for shaving, something Castiel didn't do that often. It meant he would have to look at himself. He knew how he looked. It was edged into his brain. His scar was still visible, he would probably never get rid of that, there were beginning crows feet around his eyes and the expression he had was of one who was being hunted. But Dean didn't seem to mind and that made Castiel love him even more.

The first time they had been really intimate, Castiel had cried afterwards, all the tension leaving his body as he reached orgasm. He felt so tired afterwards and he was soon asleep. He had taken a couple of days to process what had happened. Being with a man was different to being with a woman. Except...Castiel had finally had the kind of satisfaction he had expected from being with a woman, but hadn't found. It made him think. Castiel had wanted to give Dean the same kind of pleasure and Dean had been happy about that but he had expressed concern for Castiel who had tried to reassure him he was fine and didn't have any regrets.

This particular morning was no different to any other. Dean was already up when Castiel woke. He could smell the coffee and that was something that could get him out of bed. Castiel had made a decision the night before. He was ready to go all the way with Dean. Now he just had to wait for the right time. After a day spent in the workshop, Castiel went in to make supper and Dean came in soon after and sat down, looking forward to a good meal. They spent a quiet evening with Dean reading from one of their dime novels. They bought a new one regularly to keep themselves amused. It was something that reminded them of the good times they had had.

Around 9.30 they crawled into bed and Dean was very surprised at Castiel's insistent kiss. When he pulled away from him, Castiel only had to look at him to let Dean know that he wanted this. Dean's hands shook a little when he pulled his night shirt over his head. He had never done this before but Castiel had a bit of experience so Dean was counting on him to take the lead.

Castiel had freed himself from his own night shirt and lay close to Dean so they could kiss. It was a very tender moment and they took their time but they were both achingly hard and soon Dean was wondering how they should do it. Castiel's hip made positions a little awkward. In the end, they found out that they could lie on their sides with Dean behind Castiel. The first breach of Castiel's insides made him grunt with discomfort. Dean, as instructed by Castiel, had used a lot of spit to make entrance easier but the position made it a bit difficult. He tried to be as careful as he could and soon Castiel began to relax enough that Dean could start to thrust slowly. He took his time and Castiel seemed to like it. When Dean reached around and started stroking Castiel's cock it finally seemed Castiel was getting what he wanted. He started making little surprised moaning noises, almost like he wasn't sure how to behave; if it was okay for him to show pleasure. Dean started kissing his neck and thrusting a little harder and he felt himself get closer to orgasm. Castiel reached a hand around and placed it on Dean's hip and after a few more seconds he gave a long groan and spilled onto the mattress. Dean finished a moment later, holding Castiel close to him.

Dean fell onto his back and Castiel turned around and snuggled up to him and it wasn't long before they fell asleep.

That night, Castiel's life started anew. It was the first step for him to come out of his shell and get used to being around people again. He knew Dean was right there if he needed him and that gave him the confidence to start living his life again, though it would be a journey of many months.

-END-


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